The Advice shared by My Parent That Helped Us when I became a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

However the truth soon proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct words "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get some help. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to talk between men, who continue to internalise harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a break - spending a short trip abroad, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the language of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad decisions" when younger to change how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a family member, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their issues, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I think my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."